Surviving Your Family During the HolidaysSample

When Arguments Flare Up

It’s that time of year again.

The leaves start to burn with color. The morning air gets crisp. The sun dips a little earlier each night.

And let’s be honest—candy in October, turkey in November, presents in December—this time of year really is the best. A season thick with anticipation, beauty, and joy.

But let’s also be honest—for many of us, the holidays don’t always feel holy.

For some, going home feels less like rest and more like reopening old wounds. Family dynamics you thought you’d outgrown resurface with one loaded comment at the dinner table. Add to that the fact that we live in a time when people disagree about everything—politics, faith, values, identity. Even Christians can’t seem to agree on what Christians should agree on.

So how do we navigate the holidays?

Think about Jesus’ own “family dinner table.”

He called together twelve disciples who couldn’t have been more different.

Simon the Zealot was living to overthrow Rome. Matthew had sold out to Rome as a corrupt tax collector. Judas was hungry for power and money. John, the youngest, wanted status. Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered. A couple of John the Baptist’s followers were still skeptical about who Jesus even was.

Imagine those conversations around the table, debates about the Messiah’s role, questions about who would be greatest, whispered arguments behind Jesus’ back.

And yet, notice this, Jesus didn’t spend His time affirming or dismantling every worldview at the table.

Instead, He embodied something entirely different: grace, mercy, friendship, joy.

He told stories about the kingdom that left His disciples both confused and curious.

He showed them a life that was compelling enough to keep them at the table together, despite their differences.

This is where Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount hit home, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9, NIV).

Notice: He said peacemakers, not peacekeepers.

There’s a huge difference.

A peacekeeper avoids conflict at all costs.

They smooth things over, keep the surface calm, and change the subject when things get tense. But it’s a fragile peace, one that usually shatters the moment old wounds resurface.

A peacemaker, on the other hand, doesn’t run from conflict.

They enter it with love, humility, and courage.

Their goal isn’t just quiet but wholeness, what the Bible calls shalom.

That often means telling the truth, naming the hurt, extending forgiveness, or asking for reconciliation.

Peacekeeping keeps things calm for a moment.

Peacemaking plants seeds of healing for the future.

Think about how this plays out at the holidays.

A peacekeeper stays silent when politics flare up or when that one relative makes a cutting remark. A peacemaker might gently acknowledge the tension and then redirect: “I know we don’t see this the same way, but I love you more than I love being right. Can we focus on what unites us instead of what divides us?”

Jesus doesn’t bless those who avoid conflict.

He blesses those who are willing to step into the mess and work for reconciliation.

So, as you head into the holidays, start praying now, Lord, make me a peacemaker in my family.

Not because you need to win the argument. Not because you want to prove a point.

But because you long to mend what’s broken.

Your presence at the table can be more than survival; it can be healing.

Prayer

Jesus, You stepped into the mess of our world and made peace through Your cross. Teach me how to bring that same peace into my family and community. Give me courage not to avoid conflict, but to bring love and truth into it. Make me a peacemaker this holiday season. Amen.

Reflection

If you could define what a peacemaker vs. a peacekeeper was, how would you best describe the difference? How have you pursued peacekeeping instead of peacemaking in the past? Journal your thoughts.