Surviving Your Family During the HolidaysSample

When Division Runs Deep

Unity.

It’s the one thing we all crave. To sit at the same table without tension. To belong without fear. To live without constant fracture.

And yet, it’s the one thing we often resist, because unity costs us something. It asks us to let go of our preferences, to loosen our grip on ideologies, to open our hands in love.

Why is it so hard?

Maybe it’s fear.

Fear that if I compromise on something close to me, then who am I?

Fear that if I forgive, it will diminish the pain I carry.

Fear that if I soften, I’ll lose the safety of being right.

Division, after all, is not new.

It’s not a twenty-first-century problem.

It’s the oldest fracture in the human heart.

And Paul, in his letter to the Romans, speaks directly into it.

We often think of Romans as a theological masterpiece, and it is.

But Paul didn’t write it as an abstract theology text.

He wrote it as a pastor to a community on the edge of breaking apart.

Rome in the first century was the center of the empire—powerful, diverse, and religiously pluralistic. The church there started with Jewish Christians who brought the gospel back from Pentecost. They led the way, teaching in homes, shaping rhythms of worship, carrying forward covenant practices like Sabbath-keeping and kosher meals.

But then history intervened.

In 49 AD, Emperor Claudius expelled the Jews from Rome. When they returned years later, after Claudius’ death, they found a church that no longer looked like the one they had left. Gentile leaders had stepped in. The church’s rhythms reflected Gentile culture.

And so tension exploded.

Jewish Christians accused Gentiles of abandoning God’s covenant ways.

Gentiles accused Jews of clinging to outdated customs.

Family fractured.

Into this mess, Paul writes that no one has the upper hand.

Neither Jew nor Gentile.

“...all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, NIV)

Everyone is guilty.

Everyone is in need of grace.

And everyone is welcome to the same table.

That’s the heart of Romans, not theological flexing, but a call to unity.

And the truth is, division doesn’t just remain when we disagree. It remains when our priorities are misplaced.

Our culture tells us that the individual comes first.

That my needs, my pain, my beliefs must always take priority.

But relationships don’t work that way.

In relationships, the relationship itself must come first.

This doesn’t mean your pain or beliefs don’t matter.

They do.

Deeply.

But it means valuing unity, peace, and fellowship above the demand to be right.

Because here’s the truth, your willingness to draw near to someone you disagree with will heal more than your ability to perfectly articulate your argument and change their mind.

God never asked us to agree on everything.

He did ask us to love one another.

To move toward one another.

To embody peace instead of division.

So what does this mean for us, especially during the holiday season, when fractured relationships are exposed at the table?

It might mean choosing presence over persuasion.

Showing up without an agenda.

Letting your posture say, “I value you more than I value winning this argument.”

It might mean laying down your right to be offended.

Your right to be affirmed.

Your right to always be right.

Unity isn’t cheap.

It asks something of us.

But when we choose relationship over self, when we choose peace over preference, we embody the kingdom of God.

And maybe, just maybe, this holiday season could be different.

Not because everyone finally agrees with you, but because you chose to love anyway.

Prayer

Father, You welcomed me when I was far off. Teach me to welcome others with the same grace. Give me the courage to lay down my right to be right, and to value people over preference. Make me a person of peace in my family, in my friendships, and at my table. Amen.

Reflection

Do you often prioritize being right over the feelings of others? Take some time to be honest with yourself about your ability to set aside your opinion for the sake of maintaining unity.