All the Hard ThingsSample

Day 6: HIS LIGHT, A BEACON

Reorienting After Losing Our Way

I struggle with the weight of wandering, fight with a tightness in my chest, a veil over my heart. This dim light of a season full of fatigue, head fog, and anxiety stretches on longer than I ever would have imagined. This is not something of my choosing, but God knows this. He knows the inside of my heart, the private corners I don’t even like to share with myself. He sees my scared suspicions of his absence, fears that force their way into my head, the patterns of thinking I can’t seem to stop. I thought he would give me a better light to see through my suffering, not to dampen my faith and dizzy me with a silence only broken by my exasperated cries for clarity.

Losing direction when our spiritual senses seem to go out is unnerving and disorienting.

But there is hope; God has guaranteed it (Proverbs 23:18). I am an active participant in this stretching, this suffering. These growing pains result in my good, even in the middle of this process. Even when there’s no time frame that shows the end. Even when faith must overcome feeling, or a lack thereof. The fog over both mind and soul will not last forever. Though it is hard to discern his presence or navigate this unknown, he is providing for me right here, right now. Holding on to me when I have no strength to which I can cling on my own.

I lift my heart, my mind, to the sky that is a tranquil blue today. It’s been so gray for so long, low-hanging clouds dampening the view. But light lies behind the clouds.

With you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.
PSALM 36:9 (NIV)

We can see a step beyond where we are when we look for his light, the glow that brings illumination in the darkness. He has led us into this darkness, the bleak caverns that cover our sight, but he has also given us himself, a guiding light that leads us into the life he has in store, one that results in our good and his glory. Dimly lit as it may be, we still can see hope before we feel it.

Every day, we have a choice: curl up and feebly live through the day, or fight for the faith we know is there despite what we cannot see. Faith becomes sight, and the sliver of light he gives today will grow brighter tomorrow. It’s the mindset of more: more trust, more faith, more of him making a way.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who
fear him, and he delivers them.
PSALM 34:7 (NIV)

With the God of the universe beside us, what can we truly fear?

Today let’s choose to hold to the light, to fasten our eyes on a blue sky, even if the window might say otherwise. God is faithful. The darkness does not last. We can open to that tightness in our chest, acknowledge our fear, our disappointment, our sense that this is a new path of faith we’ve never walked. We can give grace to ourselves that we might not have allowed in a long time. Grace grows to acceptance, and we release the burdens we were never meant to bear.

We can shift our hearts to believe beyond the unbearable. Believe his presence is the fountain of sustaining waters springing forth in our souls (John 7:38). Believe he is making a way, even in the midst of what feels broken. Believe his light is strong enough to penetrate the blackest night.

With you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.
PSALM 36:9 (NIV)

His is the light that sees us through, even when all looks shadowed—especially then. When I don’t understand, I choose to obey anyway. At just the right time, his light will break through, and goodness will once again flood my soul. Joy will come in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Sorrow will give way to singing. In my weakness, his strength becomes my lifeline. He brings his light right on time. I take hold of this comfort and let my chest expand a little more, allowing release.

Reflect

What verse can you hold to when you need your faith to be bigger than your lack of feeling?

How can you begin to tune your eyes to see the light of God around you?