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The Three Bowls

On this road to recovery, the journey toward healing can seem like an endless, confusing maze, and it’s easy to lose sight of the process as well as the goal.

To help you visualize where you’re heading and how you’ll get there, imagine three bowls nested inside each other, becoming a single unified stack. 

The bowl at the bottom of the stack represents forgiveness.

The bowl in the middle represents reconciliation.

The bowl at the top represents restoration.

An ingredient is being poured into them. That ingredient is trust.

In the recovery process, forgiveness leads to reconciliation, and reconciliation leads to restoration. They’re filled to the brim with trust.

Let’s look more closely at the first bowl: forgiveness.

Bowl 1: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the largest “bowl” that holds the other two bowls and must be present for reconciliation and restoration to take place. However, forgiving doesn’t mean you should be naive or let your husband take advantage of you. Forgiveness does not have to depend on the other person’s actions; it’s an individual spiritual choice. But notice:

Forgiveness is not:

· To be tritely rushed; to be “forced” or “demanded of you” by another human being

· A way to simply bury emotions

· Immediately trusting the offender again

· Condoning or excusing the offense

· Minimizing or justifying the behavior

· Showing leniency or exonerating the offender from necessary restorative actions

· Balancing the scales (exacting revenge)

· Using a ledger system to measure out the amount of grace you “owe” based on your own shortcomings by comparison

· Reconciling with your husband (agreeing on the record of events) or restoring your marriage (coming back together again), although these two steps can be desired and eventual outcomes of forgiveness

Contrary to all of this, forgiveness is a matter of releasing yourself from bondage to the resentment and bitterness that may be holding you hostage.

True biblical forgiveness means:

· Giving up unhealthy anger, which is often revealed in bitterness, the silent treatment, or revenge

· Facing up to the true nature and personal impact of the offense and willingly dealing with the injury it has inflicted

· Turning over to God both the offense and the offender

· Choosing to release your own demand for justice in punishing the other person

· Staying open to the possibility of a renewed relationship

Next, we’ll examine the second bowl: reconciliation.