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Myth #4: Frequency of sex isn’t important.

Gulp! This is a controversial myth to write about. If I write this myth one way, the more sex-driven spouse will cheer with adulation while texting this article to the less sex-driven spouse saying, “WAKE UP AND READ THIS!” While if I write this piece in another way, the less sex-driven spouse will sigh in relief and feel justified in saying “Nope” to sex even more often. Not to mention that this might inform your expectations for marriage if you’re single. 

Regardless of whether you’re married or not, it’s always good to remember that your expectations for sex in marriage may differ from your spouse’s or future spouse’s, so it’s great to have a healthy view of how to honor and empathize with one another. 

So, let’s let the Apostle Paul speak on this one. In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, he said the act of sex is only between a man and his wife and neither should deprive the other unless by mutual consent. Husband and wife no longer solely “own” their own bodies, but each now belongs to the other.

At the same time, Paul also wrote in Ephesians 5:25 that men are to love their wives, just as Christ loves the Church. Christ gave up everything for the Church. He wasn’t demanding or selfish. He considered our need for a Savior even greater than His own life. So, husbands are called to an incredibly high standard. They’re called to lay down their lives for their wives.

Sex is a dance of mutual love and respect. The frequency of sexual intimacy that’s healthy will be different for each couple. Ask your spouse if they’re happy with your sexual frequency. If they say they’d actually like to have more sex or less sex, don’t just laugh it off. Consider how you can mutually satisfy and enjoy each other.

—Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT