Do You Love Your Neighbor as Yourself?

Some days at work are one emergency after another, and when we come home exhausted, we're met with a personal crisis. Our partner had an accident, the dog ate something toxic and needs to go to the vet urgently, or our child is crying because they were bullied at school. We desperately need a break, but out of love for our neighbors—partner, pet, or child—we set aside our own needs.

Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39), elevating neighborly love to one of the central commandments of the Christian faith. Self-love and neighborly love are closely linked and significantly influence our relationships, especially our partnerships. But what happens when there is an imbalance between self-love and neighborly love, where we always set aside our own needs and never take time for ourselves to recharge?

Self-love is not an act of selfishness but a recognition and appreciation of oneself as God created us. The Bible teaches us that we are wonderfully and uniquely made (Psalm 139:14). This recognition allows us to act from a sense of abundance and security rather than from a lack. When we love ourselves, we can set healthy boundaries, take care of ourselves, and grow. This enables us to practice authentic and generous neighborly love.

When either self-love or neighborly love is lacking in a partnership, it can lead to conflicts. Lack of self-love often results in an excessive need for validation and recognition from the partner. This dependency can overwhelm the partner and lead to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. The view of the partner becomes distorted, seeing them not as an independent person but as a source of self-worth. This puts pressure on the partner and increases the potential for conflict.

Conversely, excessive self-love can lead to selfishness and a lack of empathy. Such a partner may be unwilling to consider the other's needs and desires. The relationship becomes unbalanced as love and support remain one-sided. The partner feels neglected and unappreciated, leading to estrangement and tension.

Self-love and neighborly love are not opposites but complement each other. In a healthy partnership, they support each other and create a balance. Self-love allows us to be genuinely and lovingly present for others without neglecting our own needs. It strengthens us so that we can practice true neighborly love.

Next Step: Do you focus more on self-love or neighborly love? Ask the Holy Spirit what concrete steps you can take to bring a balance between self-love and neighborly love in your life.