Choosing Friends Wisely

By Danny Saavedra

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”—Proverbs 12:26 (NIV)

There’s a moment toward the end of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers where Samwise Gamgee says to Frodo, “I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales. . . . I wonder if people will ever say, ‘Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring.’ And they'll say ‘Yes, that's one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?' ‘Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits.’” To this, Frodo says, “You've left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.”

If you’ve watched the films or read the books, you know just how true that statement is.

Without Sam, his loyal, ride-or-die friend, Frodo never would have made it to Mount Doom. In my opinion, Sam’s the greatest picture of friendship in all of fiction. Frodo carries the burden, but Sam carries Frodo. He encourages him when he wants to quit, protects him when he’s vulnerable, and refuses to let him walk into darkness by himself.

Now contrast that with Gollum. Gollum is also close to Frodo and part of the journey. But his influence is different. He doesn’t strengthen Frodo’s resolve—he feeds suspicion, stirs confusion, and pulls him toward destruction. And that’s the thing about relationships: The people who walk the closest to you are always shaping you.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that friendship is one of the most powerful shaping forces in your life. That may sound dramatic, but Scripture is very clear about it. Proverbs 13:20 (NIV) says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” In other words, wisdom is contagious, but so is foolishness. The people closest to you aren’t just filling space in your life; they’re helping form the direction of your life. That’s why today’s passage says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully.” Notice it doesn’t say the righteous are cold, rude, elitist, suspicious, or isolated. Instead, it says they’re careful.

My friends, as Christians we’re called to love, serve, forgive, and to show kindness and respect to all people. Romans 12:18 (NIV) reminds us, “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” However, that doesn’t mean everyone should have the same level of access, influence, or authority in your life. Jesus loved the crowds. He ministered to the broken, ate with sinners, welcomed the outsider, and He was willing to engage in conversation with anyone—including those who opposed Him. But He did life with the twelve disciples, and He spent even more time and invested deeply into Peter, James, and John. Even Jesus lived with relational wisdom.

Paul gives a similar warning in 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV): “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” The Corinthian believers were being influenced by people who denied the resurrection. Their relationships weren’t just affecting their weekends, they were affecting their doctrine, their holiness, their view of God, and their understanding of the gospel. That’s still true today.

The wrong close influences can slowly reshape what you believe, what you excuse, what you laugh at, what you pursue, and what you tolerate. At first, you may think, “I’m strong enough. I know what I believe.” But Scripture says, “Do not be misled.” Why? Because we’re more influenceable than we think.

This doesn’t mean we only befriend Christians or cut ourselves off from people who don’t know Jesus, as that would make it very hard to obey the Great Commission. Jesus sends us into the world as salt and light. We should have relationships with neighbors, coworkers, classmates, family members, and friends who don’t yet follow Him.

But there’s a difference between loving someone and letting them lead you. There’s a difference between being present with someone and being shaped by someone. There’s a difference between reaching the lost and being discipled by the lost. The question isn’t, “Can I talk to this person?” The better questions are, “Is this person pulling me closer to Jesus or further from Him? Are they helping me walk in wisdom, or are they making foolishness feel normal? Are they sharpening my faith, or slowly dulling my convictions?”

The righteous choose their friends carefully because they know their hearts aren’t immune. We’re not above temptation. We’re not too mature to be influenced. We’re not stronger than Scripture’s warnings.

So, choose close friends who love truth. Choose friends who encourage obedience. Choose friends who can tell you the truth without flattery and receive the truth without defensiveness. Choose friends who make holiness more attractive, not sin more acceptable. Choose friends who help you keep your eyes on Jesus. Why? Because friendships are never neutral. They either help you walk in wisdom or slowly lead you astray.

Pause: Who has the most influence over your thoughts, decisions, habits, and spiritual direction right now?

Practice: Take an honest relational inventory this week. Write down the names of the people closest to you. Then for each person on your list, ask yourself: “Does this relationship help me walk with Jesus, or does it make compromise easier?” Pray for wisdom to love people well while choosing your closest influences carefully.

Pray: Father, give me wisdom in my relationships. Help me love people the way Jesus loves people, but also help me choose my closest friends carefully. Protect me from pride that thinks I can’t be influenced. Surround me with wise, godly people who sharpen my faith, strengthen my convictions, and point me back to You. And where I need to create distance, give me courage and grace. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.