My Child’s Different: Support for the Ups & DownsSample

Disability Is Not a Curse 

There’s a story that paints a pretty great metaphorical picture for what it can feel like when you first learn that something is dramatically different with your child. Read this shortened version for a quick refresher. 

You’ve planned a trip to Italy. You lost a few pounds in anticipation of all the pasta you’d eat. You knew you were going to the Colosseum and the Leaning Tower within your first few days. You packed the perfect outfits for the photos you’d take by the Mediterranean. Some of your friends had been to Italy before, so you felt prepared and were ready to follow all their best recommendations. 

But, when the plane lands, your pilot says, “Welcome to Holland.” You’re mad, upset, hurt, and maybe even confused. You don’t want to sound ungrateful, but you didn’t ask to or want to come to Holland. How did I get here? What do people do for fun here? What will I see and experience? What even is the language here? 

And you may stay mad and confused for a while. You may be defeated by not knowing the answers to those questions and so many others you have. You may feel completely alone. Everyone else you know is on the Amalfi Coast enjoying the sun and seafood. And here you are in Holland. 

The truth is: There’s beauty in unexpected places. But sometimes, because we feel cheated or because we can’t help but wonder why God didn’t let us follow the dreams we had imagined for ourselves, we can’t quite spot the beauty. 

Here are some truths that may help you find the beauty in the life God’s given you. 

1. Placing blame perpetuates pain instead of bringing healing. Sometimes we can find ourselves playing “What If” and the “Blame Game.” But while blame may promise closure, it instead brings pain. Placing blame doesn’t usually lead to healing, and it won’t bring the peace you were hoping for. Besides, no one needs to be blamed because God can be glorified instead (John 9:1-3). So if you need to, forgive yourself, someone else, or God. 

2. God made your child with intention. We are all made in the image and likeness of God, and we are all His greatest masterpiece. A masterpiece isn’t made overnight and isn’t made sloppily. It’s crafted, molded, and shaped with care, intention, and love. A painter doesn’t just turn those blobs on his palette into just anything. Even painters who seem to merely splash paint on the canvas have a vision. They see in their minds what they want to create, and with great attention and artistic skill, they create something wonderful from nothing. God did that with your child. He made something—someone—wonderful. (Psalm 139:13-15; Ephesians 2:10; Exodus 4:11)

3. We’ll get our answers on the other side of heaven. You may not know why you ended up on such an unexpected journey, and that’s okay. You may never know why your journey had to be so painful at times. Now we only see in part. We won’t have 20/20 vision or full understanding of much of anything on this side of heaven. In the meantime, God just asks that we have faith–that He’s working things together for our good, and that He does everything with intention. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18; Romans 8:28; 1 Corinthians 13:12)

4. There’s beauty in the different. Sure, your friends and family might look like they’re living your dream, oblivious to your experiences. You may even be jealous when you look at their lives. But get this: Your family’s life, with all its differences and uniqueness, is beautiful. Sure, it includes challenges you don’t always feel prepared for, but God will show you and teach you different and amazingly wonderful things on your particular journey. In fact, you’ll be able to learn deep and powerful truths you never would’ve learned if you had landed in “Italy.” 

So, God highjacked your plane and brought you to “Holland.” Could this be the best blessing in your life? Look around, see the sights, and enjoy as much as you can. Before long, you’ll realize there are Rembrandts, Van Goghs, windmills, spectacular tulip-covered fields, and stroopwafels to be enjoyed!

You’re not being punished or cursed. You’ve been blessed with a beautiful, perfect, made-in-the-image-of-God child. 

Journal: Write down some of the joys and some of the beautiful moments you’ve had in your family’s journey with disability/special needs. And if you’re just starting out, write down a list of the beautiful thoughts and feelings you have toward your child.