My Child’s Different: Support for the Ups & DownsSample

A devotional from Heather Brower

Raising a Christ-Follower

When you’re a follower of Christ and you have a child, the biggest burden you feel is that they would come to know their heavenly Father and accept the love and salvation Jesus has provided for them. That they would live a life empowered by the Holy Spirit! It’s always been my most important goal for my kids—and myself. But, how would I teach my autistic son about Jesus? Would he care? Would he understand? Would he ever be able to communicate that to me if he did? Would my words and love ever get through to him?

Ultimately, the questions I was struggling with were all based in my own lack of faith and my own misunderstandings about the power and love of our Father. It has never been up to us parents to change the hearts of our children. That’s the work of the Holy Spirit—and His work isn’t bound by human intellect or ability. His work is supernatural. And, of course, He loves our children even more than we do!

But, still, what’s a parent to do? Read on to find four big questions we often wonder about. 

1. Can my child become a Christian even if they have an intellectual disability?  The good news is that we serve a God whose love and reach toward us is not bound by our cognitive abilities. None of us understand God anywhere close to who He really is. The Bible describes us as knowing in part, or as if we’re just catching reflections of understanding God. We may never be able to understand the mysteries of God and how He’s ordered the Universe. But most of us have enough understanding to choose to accept God’s grace and receive salvation.

But what about our children with special needs? Theologians have long thought that there is probably an “age of accountability” that is different for each person. It’s like the age of understanding. Our kids may never reach the level of understanding that grants them the ability to both understand what they ought to do and then to choose to do otherwise.

The bottom line? We’ll never truly know in full what’s going on in the minds of our children. We’re not God! As parents, our mandate to teach our children what is right, to tell them the good news that Jesus loves them and wants to make them friends with God, and to help them walk in God’s path as much as possible is the same for every child, regardless of their abilities. And that much we can do. 

2. Can my child become a Christian even if they have a communication disability—what about “confession of faith”? Okay, let’s look at why this one freaks parents out sometimes. It’s mostly the verse in Romans 10:9 about confessing with our mouths that Jesus is Lord in order to be saved. Um, what if my kid has never spoken and may never be able to? First, let’s just reread the answers given in point 1. Next, let’s remember that we’re talking about a fully just God who saves us through His grace, not our works. If you feel your son or daughter is mentally able to process what you’re teaching them about Jesus, but they’re not able to express their words to you or God verbally, then God is more than able to meet them at their level of ability. He never requires us to do something we’re unable to do. That’s what His grace is all about.

3. How do I talk to my child with special needs about baptism? This is a great question. And, I’m fortunate that I was able to walk my son through baptism a couple of years ago. When he first asked about it, he wanted a chance to swim at church. I knew the time wasn’t right! But, eventually, he began asking about baptism again. Then he asked if he could be baptized. He seemed to understand, so we went for it! It turned out to be a very meaningful day for our family. We still talk about it. If your child expresses a desire to be baptized, then I suggest explaining it and going for it! If you’re worried the experience might be overwhelming, you can talk to your church’s leadership to see if there might be an alternative location or time for your child to be baptized. Maybe being baptized in a pool they’re familiar with would be a great fit for your child.

4. How will I know if my child understands about following Christ? Such a difficult question to answer, no matter what your child’s abilities are. In fact, I think it’s impossible to answer. So I won’t even try! Parents, no matter what our children’s ability levels are, there are some things we just can’t fully know. I truly feel this answer falls back into “What can I do, as a parent, to help my child find and stay on God’s path?” And, we’ll get there in tomorrow’s reading! 

Raising a Christ follower who happens to have a disability can happen just as surely as raising a Christ follower who doesn’t. We parents, regardless of the abilities our children were born with, need to persevere and let our faith fill in when our eyes can’t see whether or not we’re making a difference. 

Journal: What other questions do you have for God? Write them down. Then consider which questions can only be answered with faith.