What Do You Think About Your Response?

What is that thing your spouse does that triggers you? In the little things and the big things our spouse can trigger us. To make matters even worse, there is usually little to no time between what triggers us and our reaction to that trigger.

Turns out, there’s a reason why it is so easy to get into conflict when we are triggered. The set of structures in your brain called the limbic system is where emotions begin. In the limbic system the amygdala is the culprit. Now, in its defense, the amygdala is super helpful. It’s the part of our brain that makes us take our hand off a hot stove without having to think about it. But it’s also the amygdala that is triggered by our spouse when we face conflict. The trigger itself isn’t the problem. It’s how we react without thinking after we are triggered. We are hard-wired to react immediately, and while this doesn’t excuse our bad reactions, it does help explain them. It explains why people who really want to be a good spouse, find themselves doing and saying that thing they promised they would never do or say again.

Understanding what is going on in your brain during tension is a good thing to know—but even better is knowing what to do despite it. James, the brother of Jesus, tells us exactly what to do.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19 NIV).

This space after being triggered is where relationships are built or broken.

That is why memorizing this next intentional thought is powerful . . .

Intentional Thought #4: Pause.

The next time you are triggered, say to yourself, “Pause.” And then, actually do it! You are capable of inserting that simple break—however long it needs to be—to keep conflict and tension from owning you. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Think About It

Imagine you are triggered. Now list how you can be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.

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Check out Proverbs 12:18.