The Wholehearted Love You’ve Always WantedSample

Uncovering Toxic Thoughts

Many times, there are things underneath the surface that keep us from having a thriving relationship. These can be the effects of a past breakup, childhood abuse, bullying, or any number of other distressing experiences. These old pains can repeatedly come up in our minds and cause us to think things that aren’t true about ourselves, others, and God. These are often called “toxic thoughts.”

A toxic thought is a lie against your core identity, against God’s identity, and/or against the identity of others. It stems from a violation of love and trust and/or from pain we have suffered. We put our faith in a person, and something they do or say (or fail to do or say) blindsides us and causes emotional injury. The experience leads us to believe something untrue, and when we accept the untruth, it enforces a toxic thought.

Many of us have been so used to our toxic thoughts that they feel comfortable—like a paved path. But once we get to the destination, it hurts. It steals our joy, increases our stress, and kills our important relationships. But it’s what we’ve become used to.

The good news is that the toxic thoughts we believe are, in fact, lies. They aren’t true, and they don’t need to remain as part of our identity.

So what can we do about this? We have to start thinking about what we’re thinking about. This is how it is possible to start paving new paths in our brains. Once developed and practised, the new pathways become easier to believe, and the peaceful destination becomes easier to get to.

To start, we have to be able to identify the toxic thoughts that we are believing. The following are some common ones. Do any of these stand out to you?

Toxic thoughts about yourself:

• I’m not good enough
• I’m unloved
• I’m unworthy
• I’m worthless
• I’m alone
• I’m a failure
• I have no purpose in life
• I’m ugly
• I’m not gifted
• I’m unlovable
• I’m an object
• I’m an embarrassment
• Others are better than me
• My voice doesn’t matter

Toxic thoughts about others:

• They are worthless
• They don’t matter
• They are an object
• They have no purpose
• I’m better than them

Toxic thoughts about God:

• God doesn’t love me
• God is not good
• God is holding out on me

Intentionally thinking about our thought life isn’t easy. In fact, it can be very painful. But these thoughts and experiences are there in each of us and are affecting every area of our lives, whether we’re willing to look at them or not. Let’s be courageous and willing to see what could be defining our lives without our realizing it. Uncovering the toxic thoughts that hold us back is an important step to full healing and wholehearted love.