Healing Family Relationships Through Boundariesಮಾದರಿ

When I think of seeking healing in a relationship, I think of words like kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. However, sometimes the biblical thing to do, the healing thing to do, is to establish healthy boundaries. Sometimes this involves saying no, creating distance, and stepping out of a toxic system. There is nothing "Christian" or "spiritual" about allowing ourselves to be mistreated, railroaded, or disrespected within the context of a family relationship.

This is a difficult devotional for me to write. I am a rescuer. I want everyone to be happy all the time, and I feel responsible for their feelings. I say "yes" at times when I should say "no." Sometimes I am not honest with my feelings so that conflict will be avoided. These are all examples of poor boundaries and patterns that result in short-term peace but long-term problems. My choices might "help" in the heat of the moment, yet I hurt myself and the relationships within my family in the long run.

Here is a small example. I remember a situation when I was facing a deadline for a project for work. Before I left the house in the morning, I went over the day's schedule with my wife. A little before lunch, she texted me and asked if I would be able to pick up some groceries on the way home. My stress was already high, and I was annoyed that she was asking me to run this errand. I quickly replied, "Yes, no problem." I wanted to help her, but it was a mistake. Later that afternoon, I wrapped up my work, rushed to the store, and hustled home. I came into the house on edge, and my negative emotions affected the rest of the evening.

My wife had done nothing wrong by asking me to run an errand. The conflictual evening was not her fault. If I had been wiser, I would have kindly told her that I wanted to help, but that with my work commitments that day, it was not possible. That would have been a healthy boundary, which would have led to more peace in our home.

Reflection Question: Can you identify a recent situation where you failed to set a healthy boundary? How might the outcome have been different if you had?