Healing Family Relationships Through Boundariesಮಾದರಿ

In some family systems, hurtful behavior is swept under the rug. Relationships become damaged and frayed, with issues never getting discussed. Meanwhile, anger and coldness seethe under the surface. Unhealthy behavior is continually tolerated, and so it continues. We have seen this pattern many times in our counseling ministry. When one family member decides that he or she has had enough of these patterns and directly confronts the hurtful behavior, the other family members frequently turn on them and accuse them of causing the problem.

Imagine your house is burning down, but no one is talking about it. Everyone is still inside and going about their business. You shout, "The house is on fire!" To which everyone shouts back, "Shut your mouth! How could you be so mean to say such a thing about our house?" I just want to give you fair warning that setting boundaries will require courage and will stir things up, as you are no longer "playing along" with the broken family system. You are unwilling to sit silently in a house that is burning down around you. When you set boundaries, you may be accused of being unloving, but in reality, you have shifted into a mode where you are loving enough to do something to help the family move toward healing.

Setting boundaries challenges the status quo. It disrupts the unhealthy patterns that may have defined your family for years or even generations. When you refuse to participate in these patterns any longer, it forces others to confront realities they'd prefer to ignore. This will make many people uncomfortable.

Remember that Jesus himself was rejected by many in his hometown when he spoke the truth. The apostle Paul was frequently opposed by those who preferred their old ways of living. Standing for truth and health in relationships often means standing alone at first. But in the long run, healthy boundaries create the possibility for genuine healing and reconciliation.

Reflection Question: What fears do you have about being seen as "the bad guy" if you establish needed boundaries? Pray for God to give you the strength to face a difficult family situation.