Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Betrayal By Dr. Sheri KefferExemplo

Day Four

Transformation

Scripture: Philippians 1:6

If you have recently discovered your partner’s sexual betrayal, your life probably feels like it’s crumbling before your eyes. You feel tremendous grief and anger. You are probably asking: 

• How did this happen?

• Why didn’t I see it before now?

• What will people think of me? Of him?

• Can I ever trust him again?

• Will the pain of this ever stop?

• Will I be able to survive this financially? 

• Are my children safe?

• Where is God in all of this? 

Climbing out from betrayal trauma can feel like hiking out of the Grand Canyon with a donkey on your back. There is a way out: it means asking yourself each day what you need. Then keep your eyes on the trail right in front of you by taking one day and one step at a time. 

You might say it’s not fair. Why should you have to do so much work to heal? I agree with you—it’s not fair. Sexual deception is not consensual. You didn’t have a choice in the matter—it happened to you.

But we do have choices about what we’re going to do to heal. What I can offer to you is compassion, understanding, and battle-proven ideas washed in blood, sweat, and tears to assist you on your way. What’s happened in my life and in the lives of other betrayed women who have grown through their pain is a by-product of something called posttraumatic growth. 

It’s mind-boggling how trauma and transformation can coexist. Recovering from adversity is how we find our voice, inner strength, freedom, and peace of mind without becoming invulnerable, indifferent, or insensitive. Resiliency comes after we’ve been completely unraveled and put back together again. Something can happen in us that goes well beyond surviving. We can become a deeper, richer, and wiser version of ourselves.

Posttraumatic growth is not something any of us go looking for, yet strangely we change through this crucible of uninvited pain. While I don’t ever want to walk this road again, what I have walked through has changed me—for the better. No matter what has happened to you, if you’re willing to roll up your sleeves, you can find yourself and begin to live again. 

Can you think about one person you know who has gone through incredible pain and become stronger? What is one thing you can do today to move toward your healing and growth?