The Power Of BelongingExemplo

Shame is closely linked to embarrassment and the idea of social anxiety—a fear of social situations such as parties, public speaking, and confrontation. 

Socially anxious people worry about saying something foolish or being somehow found out. Bodily symptoms of anxiety such as sweating and shaking can occur. They anticipate rejection and worry about situations in advance or do a ‘post-mortem’ afterwards to check they did okay—often picking up threats that don’t exist. Unhelpful coping mechanisms, like using alcohol or avoiding eye contact, can make the situation worse.

The story of Moses illustrates his struggle with social anxiety. He was asked by God to go and speak to Pharaoh, but on three occasions (Exodus 4:10, 6:12, 6:30), he gave ‘slow speech’ and ‘faltering lips’ as excuses not to. God graciously came up with a pragmatic solution—his more eloquent brother Aaron would be the mouthpiece—but Aaron became a safety mechanism for Moses, meaning his worries about public speaking persisted. His preoccupation with being humiliated and looking foolish risked diverting him away from his true mission as shepherd of the people.

In Exodus 3:11, Moses asked, ‘Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?’ After forty years of being a shepherd and having his head filled with statements like this, he did not feel worthy of the leadership God had for him. The shame that began as a surface issue, related to his immediate environment, became deeply established in the core of his being. Now, forty years later a great distance away from Egypt, Moses carried the same shame just as keenly. 

Far from being a benign reaction to humiliating circumstances, shame has the power to cover up our hurts and stifle our emotions. Shame can be the reason we get out of bed in the morning, and it can be the reason why we don’t. Addressing the issue of shame is about enabling our emotions to be expressed in the appropriate contexts without the fear of rejection.