Out of the Valley: 7 Days to Processing Brokenness and Getting to HopeExemplo

If you’re someone who has been hurt by the community you plopped yourself into, it’s all too easy to ask the questions, “Why is community even important?” We get it. We’ve all experienced that unique pain of being burned by those we once turned to when life felt like the world had burned us. But, we’re here to tell you--community is essential, and it has been since the beginning of time. 

When God made man, do you remember the first thing He noticed about what He had created? That man was lonely. Genesis tells us that God decided that, “it wasn’t good for man to be alone,” so He made a companion, someone that Adam could do life with. 

And that’s one of the very first declarations God makes: it isn’t good for man to be alone. 

Even before that, we know that God Himself never existed alone--our God’s very identity is one of communal existence: He is the trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So when He made us in His own image, that need, that desire--the importance--of being in community was folded into our very character.

Without even mentioning the word, Jesus taught us an important principle about having boundaries when it comes to community. Even Jesus had circles and created boundaries for the protection of not only his heart but His Father’s calling on his life. Psychologist, Richard Blankenship says, “In order to protect ourselves from toxic emotional harm we have to create boundaries that are strong enough to keep the bad stuff out and permeable enough to let the good stuff in.” So, what boundaries have you created? And have they looked like a big fat "X" where you’re denying anyone and everyone from getting in, hands completely open where you are susceptible to harm and abuse? Or in a cautious stance where you are intentionally keeping the bad stuff out, but leaving room for goodness to come into your life? 

Community is that safe spot where we are able to both grow through our trials and through correction from our friends, but also able to comfortably bring our brokenness, knowing that we will be met with grace and love instead of judgment and exclusion. 

Jesus was particular with His own circles -- while He was kind and accepting of everyone, He was also quick to draw a hard line when dangerous people got too close and tried to have a voice in His life. There’s a reason He picked twelve people (and twelve people only) to eat with, travel with, reside with, do ministry with, pray with, challenge, and open up to about His identity and what would be accomplished through Him. Then he had circles outside of that, that were further, broader and bigger but less permeable. 

Think about the people in your life, your own circles. Who may need to be moved or even transitioned out?

A common misconception and root of guilt in our relationships is the belief that you cannot have healthy boundaries and be kind at the same time; that in order to transition someone out of your life, it has to be done in a rude way. That’s not true. We can love people and ourselves in a way that honors Jesus and them. But, make no mistake, transitioning toxic people from one place to another in your life is essential. Just like moving into a new home, there are pieces of furniture, decor, and clothes that can’t come with you. We have to be willing to transition people so that we can continue on our own personal journey to hope.