Conquering your fear of intimacy (1)

Adam and Eve had no secrets from each other. ‘They were both naked…and were not ashamed’ (Genesis 2:25 NKJV). As a couple, God said they had the power to rule the world. And that’s when Satan entered the picture. What did he attack? Their intimacy! ‘The eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings’ (Genesis 3:7 NKJV). Intimacy means ‘to be open, transparent, and trusting.’ When Adam and Eve lost that, they started hiding from God – and each other. And we’ve been hiding from each other ever since. Emotional intimacy is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. Without it, relationships become shallow and unfulfilling. We are afraid to reveal our fears, needs, insecurities, secrets, hopes, dreams, weird opinions, or undesirable parts to others. And this fear is rooted in fear of loneliness: ‘If you really knew me, you’d leave me.’ Or the fear of inadequacy: ‘You may be disappointed in me because I cannot fulfil all your expectations.’ Or the fear of losing control: ‘Now that you know how I feel, you may use it to control me.’ Women play ‘hard to get,’ and men play the ‘tough guy’ who doesn’t need anybody. What’s the answer? Learning to pray together. Our most honest moments are before the God who already knows everything about us. When we share such moments, the barriers come down, our hearts become tender towards one another, and we move closer together.

Prayer Point

Lord, I sometimes struggle to allow people to see the ‘real me’. I’m afraid that they would reject me if they knew who I really am. Help me to remember that You know everything about me and still love me. Help me, Lord, to be open and honest with the people I love, and make me aware of when I’m trying to put up barriers between us. Amen.

Pegues, Deborah Smith, 30 Days to Taming Your Fears (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2011), 89, 90.