Conquering your fear of intimacy (2)

Emotional intimacy is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone. It fills their souls and yours too. It eliminates our loneliness. And yes, even in our macho society, the Bible suggests emotional intimacy between men. The elders of the church at Ephesus, realising they would never see Paul again, ‘wept freely, and fell on Paul’s neck and kissed him, sorrowing most of all for the words which he spoke, that they would see his face no more’ (Acts 20:37-38 NKJV). Famed athlete Bill Russell says, ‘Most people have a harder time letting themselves love, than finding someone to love them.’ So, what can you do? 1) Understand the source of your fear. What happened to make you avoid a desire to be known? 2) Accept yourself completely – every feature, every imperfection – as God’s masterpiece; then, you can stop worrying about someone rejecting you because you’re not perfect. 3) Test the waters. Start gradually with a few friends and begin to share your needs and how you really feel. Confess your struggle with your weight, self-image, habits, or other issues. Instead of pretending to be something you’re not, ask for support. Find joy in being authentic. 4) Practise saying, ‘I love you’ to the significant people in your life even if it feels foreign to do so. Stop fearing. ‘I love you’ doesn’t translate, ‘I want to be your slave,’ nor does it say, ‘I’ll tolerate anything and remain in relationship with you.’ It just means ‘I’m committed to our relationship, and I believe that by God’s help, we can work through the problem.’

Prayer Point

It’s not always easy to let others see who I really am, but You, Father, have placed people around me who are willing to support me and help me with the struggles I try to keep hidden. I pray that You would guide me to those people, and dispel any reservations I feel about being open and honest with them. Amen.

Pegues, Deborah Smith, 30 Days to Taming Your Fears (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2011), 90-92.