A Good Wife from a Good God

Proverbs has many graphic warnings about dangerous women, but

it closes with a beautiful commendation of godly women. What does a godly woman look like?

Proverbs insists that a godly woman is not measured by how she looks but by what she looks at. The very first verse of this section points us to her noble character, not her new clothes. “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (31:10).

As we look at this model of godly femininity, let’s remember that the specifics of the description (e.g., she seeks wool and flax) are limited to the biblical times and culture, but the general principles behind the specific details are timeless and universal (e.g., she works hard). Let’s see how God measures a woman not by her looks but by her looking.

A Godly Woman Looks to Bless Others (31:11–27)

She is not self-centered but others-centered, looking around to see what needs she can meet.

She looks at her husband (31:11–12): She never harms him but always helps him, and therefore he has total confidence in her. When people look at her husband, they immediately recognize that he has a good wife (31:23).

She looks at her household (31:13–15, 19, 22): She cares for her family by providing food, clothing, and bedding. Verse 27 sums it up: “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” (1 Tim 5:14; Titus 2:5).

She looks at her calling (31:16–18, 24): Using her business talents, she buys a field, plants a vineyard, sells clothes, and invests the returns in new businesses for the benefit of her home.

She looks at herself (31:17): Though she is not the primary focus, she cannot do all this without looking after herself. Therefore, she cares for her own body and keeps herself fit and healthy so she can serve God and others better.

She looks at the poor (31:19–20): Stretching out her hands to her work makes it possible to stretch out her hands to those who are in need. She gets in order to give.

She looks at the future (31:25): She knows hard times are ahead but doesn’t spend her time worrying about it. Rather “she laughs at the time to come” (31:25). She’s confident in God’s provision and dispenses wisdom to all around her (31:26).

Godliness is about what we look at not how we look.

She looks mainly to others. But how do others look at her?

Others Look at the Godly Woman with Blessings (31:28–31)

She doesn’t look at herself much, but others certainly look at her and praise God for her. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all’” (31:28–29). She tries to bless others and ends up blessed herself. She doesn’t seek praise but gets it anyway (31:31).

Above all, God looks at the godly woman and says: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (31:30). God sees that she looks to him with worship and awe and therefore he pronounces her praiseworthy.

We don’t say to others, “Look at me!” but let others say, “Look at her!”

Changing Our Story with God’s Story

This picture of biblical femininity is not one of suppression or oppression, but rather of a liberated, productive, and happy wife who looks primarily to God and others.

As the church is Christ’s bride, this passage is also a model for all Christians, male and female, in their relationship to Jesus, the head of his household: his family, the church.

Summary: What does a godly woman look like? Look to God and others first, and God and others will look to you with appreciation and respect.

Question: How can you use this passage to encourage biblical femininity without being legalistic?

Prayer: Head of the Church, help me to look to you and others, encouraged that you and others look to bless me.