Raising a Boy to Be a ManSample

Raising a Boy Who Asks for Help

My son’s book bag weighed nearly as much as he did. I couldn’t understand how someone so small could carry such a heavy bag, yet he did. Every time I tried to convince him to leave a textbook or two at home, or at least leave them in his locker, his response was the same: “It’s not that heavy. I can carry it fine.”

Men are infamous for refusing to ask for help. Doing so is seen, at least in our own eyes, as a sign of weakness. We pride ourselves on being able to figure it out and do it on our own, even if it is clearly obvious to everyone else around us that we need help.

When our son was 9, I started bringing him to my men’s group at church. Not because there were no programs for kids his age, but because I wanted him to learn something he could never learn with a group of his peers. I wanted him to hear men talk about the real-world consequences of decisions they made when they were younger. I wanted him to see grown men struggle, admit failure, and seek help from each other and God.

The impulse toward self-sufficiency will always be there, but consistent exposure to a culture of vulnerability helps both of us remember to trust in God’s power—because even grown men need help.

Do you have people in your life you can turn to for help? What makes you feel comfortable to go to them? Would your son say the same thing about you?