Practical Tips for Fighting Fair

Proverbs 18:13

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

Communication is at the heart of any strong relationship, but it's not just about making sure you're heard. It's equally important to listen — truly listen — to what your partner has to say. So, how do you fight fair, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment? Continue with active listening.

Active listening is an art. It requires us to fully concentrate, understand, remember what is being said, and then respond. In moments of disagreement, this skill is key because it can transform arguments into opportunities for growth.

Active listening requires you to listen without interrupting. It's tempting to start formulating your response or interrupt when you disagree with a point. However, true understanding comes from listening fully until your partner is finished speaking.

What does this look like practically?

Imagine your partner is expressing frustration about feeling overburdened with responsibilities. Instead of jumping in with your own grievances or dismissing their feelings, you might say, "I hear you saying you're feeling overwhelmed with everything on your plate. What can I do to help?”

Or if they're upset about something you've done, resist the urge to immediately defend yourself or explain away the problem. Listen attentively, then respond with, "I understand why that upset you. I hadn't looked at it that way before."

Practicing active listening in this way does a few really important things, especially when you’re in the middle of a heated conversation:

1. It validates your partner's feelings: Simply feeling heard can diffuse much of the tension in a disagreement.
2. It promotes understanding: Often, conflicts are based on misunderstandings that clear communication can resolve.
3. It strengthens your relationship: By showing you value your partner's thoughts and feelings, you build trust and intimacy.

Remember, to fight fair, you must really listen to your partner. Pay attention not just to the words being said but also to the emotions behind them. Respond with empathy and understanding. This Biblical approach to communication can turn potential conflicts into moments of connection and understanding, bringing you closer together.