Practical Tips for Fighting Fair

James 1:19

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Conflicts and disagreements can challenge us, but they also offer a path to deeper understanding and stronger connections. So, how do you fight fairly, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment? Express your feelings with “I” statements.

In the midst of an argument, it's easy to point fingers and place blame. However, this usually only makes the situation worse. The Bible teaches us to be mindful of how we speak, guiding us toward peaceful and constructive communication. A practical way to apply this wisdom is by using "I" statements.

How do you do that?

Share your feelings by starting your sentences with "I." This shifts the conversation from blaming to understanding. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try, "I feel unheard when I share my thoughts and they're not acknowledged."

Or, if you feel neglected because your partner spends too much time on their phone, avoid saying, "You're always on your phone!" Instead, express, "I feel a bit lonely when a lot of your time at home is spent on your phone. I'd love for us to spend more quality time together."

When you use “I” statements, you can get the same point across without your partner feeling attacked or blamed because it focuses on feelings rather than accusations. So, instead of putting your partner on the defensive, it invites them to see things from your perspective. By expressing your feelings openly and honestly, you're laying the groundwork for constructive dialogue.

If you’re not used to using “I” statements, it can take some getting used to. So, start practicing! You don’t have to be in a fight to communicate in this way. Begin incorporating "I" statements into your everyday conversations. Whether you're sharing how your day went, expressing appreciation, or discussing future plans, using "I" statements can help create a habit of open and respectful communication. Over time, you'll find that this approach not only makes conflicts easier to manage but also enriches your relationships with deeper understanding and empathy.