The Enneagram for TeensSample

Type Nine: The Gentle Peacemaker

Type Nines are known as the Peacemaker, the Negotiator, the Mediator, or the Accommodator. To know an Enneagram Nine is to truly love an Enneagram Nine. They’re warm, inviting, and probably the most supportive friend you have. They are gentle, accommodating individuals who seek internal and external peace with the people and environments around them.

My favorite gift the Enneagram Nine has is the gift of mediation. When presented with an argument, they are truly able to see both sides and where each person is coming from. Because of this, they can help build a bridge of communication between the two parties and guide them to a path of harmony and reunion.

Nines struggle with confrontation and conflict, avoiding it at all costs, which may lead to them bottling up their frustrations and finally exploding like Coke when Mentos are added. While they “go with the flow” on the surface, they may actually be seething on the inside, eventually causing them to resent others and withdraw from them.

Their core fear is of loss or being separated from those they love, whether that is physically or emotionally. Connection is incredibly important to them, so any threat that could be broken is very stressful for an Enneagram Nine. One specific fear of theirs is coming across as too needy or divisive and thus pushing people away. In order to avoid this, they default to other people’s plans and desires. When you ask them what they want to eat or do, they may reply with, “Whatever you want to do!” While they usually mean it, they are more than likely trying to appease you. It’s important to encourage them to use their voice and feel comfortable speaking up if and when they do have a strong opinion or preference.

Whether real or perceived, their wounding childhood message is, “Your voice doesn’t matter as much as everyone else’s” or, “You shouldn’t be assertive.” Because of this message, they often absorb the energy and emotions of the room or family atmosphere and do everything they can to keep the peace. As you can imagine, this is an exhausting task, so they often retreat to their imagination or daydreams to cope.

Their core desire is to have inner stability and a “peace of mind.” In order to achieve this, Nines often search for stability in relationships and atmospheres, working to make everyone else happy to create a calm environment. They are also willing to suffer if it means they aren’t pushing people away by voicing what they want (even if the pushing away they fear may not actually happen in reality). This can also cause them to hide their feelings if they are upset, because they don’t want to upset anyone else. The overwhelm and exhaustion gets too much and can result in some passive aggressive communication.

Because of their desire for connection, the Nine is usually one to explore faith and a relationship with God. They are probably the most grounded type in the Enneagram, and faith is one way they are able to achieve such a groundedness.

The closer they are to the Lord, the more they are able to speak up for themselves and their opinions, desires, and dreams. They finally believe their voice matters because they are a child of God. However, when they drift away from the Lord, they may numb out and see other people as more loved or more valued than they are instead of remembering their inherent worth in Christ. When a Nine feels far from the Lord, I encourage them to go on a long walk so they can reconnect with his creation and remember how much he loves them. The Lord is inviting his sweet nine to adventure with him, hand in hand. He wants the Enneagram Nine to know that inner peace is found in him, and he wants to provide that for his children so they find true rest in him.

Are you a type Nine? Before we move on, there’s one thing I want you to know. Jesus died on a cross for you—remember that when doubt starts to creep in. Remember your voice matters, so raise it accordingly! You are welcome here. Walk in confidence, dear Nine, that you matter to the King of the universe.