Living With a Strong-Willed ChildSample

Day 2: Every Parent Needs a Runway With Lights

Lights border both sides of an airport runway, alerting the captain where to direct the plane. If he stays between those lighted boundaries, all will be well. But disaster might lie to the left and to the right. What parents need are some runway lights – some reliable markers – that will illuminate the safe region between extremes. Two of those guiding principles are, quite simply, love and control. If they are understood and implemented properly by moms and dads, the relationship with their children is likely to be healthy – despite inevitable mistakes and shortcomings.

But beware! It is often very difficult to balance love and control when dealing with a strong-willed child. The temptation is to tilt beyond one of the two boundaries – toward white-hot anger and oppressiveness or toward permissiveness and disengagement.

Why? Because the constant battles that these tougher kids precipitate can cause a parent to become a screamer and a tyrant or one who lets the child rule pathetically. There is danger for a youngster on either side of the "runway." If the parental plane comes down wide or short, it will bump through the cornfield with unpredictable consequences. We'll talk more about that.

Just between you and God:

Have you established behavioral boundaries for your children? Do you have biblical parameters for how you will handle confrontations with your son or daughter? Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and direction as you answer these questions and begin to set or adjust guidelines for your family.

Keeping your family between the navigational beacons you've developed is challenging work. You have to remain consistent and steadfast, but the rewards for doing so are enormous. Ask the Lord to give you the perseverance to stay the course.

Pray these words:

Heavenly Father, please give me wisdom to walk the narrow path as I parent and discipline my children, and keep me from getting off base from your perfect plan. Amen.

From Dr. James Dobson's book, The New Strong-Willed Child

Bonus Content: Listen to the Dr. Dobson Minute, "Security in Defined Limits."