Living With a Strong-Willed ChildSample

Day 3: Don't Panic! Do This Instead . . .

I have found that the parents of compliant children don't understand their friends with defiant youngsters. They intensify guilt and embarrassment by implying, "If you would raise your kids the way I do mine, you wouldn't be having those awful problems."

May I say to both groups that willful children can be difficult to manage even when parents handle their responsibilities with great skill and dedication. It may take several years to bring such a youngster to a point of relative obedience and cooperation within the family unit, and indeed, a strong-willed child will be a strong-willed individual all her life. While she can and must be taught to respect authority and live harmoniously with her neighbors, she will always have an assertive temperament. That is not a bad thing. It simply "is."

During the childhood years, it is important for parents not to panic. Don't try to "fix" your tougher boy or girl overnight. Treat that child with sincere love and dignity, but require him or her to follow your leadership. Choose carefully the matters that are worthy of confrontation, then accept her challenge on those issues and win decisively. Reward every positive, cooperative gesture she makes by offering your attention, affection, and verbal praise. Then take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

Just between you and God:

It's impossible to parent effectively out of fear. Whether you are afraid of what others might think and are embarrassed by your child's behavior or panicking to try to fix your son or daughter overnight, anxiety will not bring the desired results. Ask the Lord to help you rest in Him and lead your kids with the biblical fruit of the Spirit, courage, and wisdom.

Spending time in God's Word will equip you to be the parent He desires you to be. Learning to shepherd your children appropriately comes from studying how the Good Shepherd (Jesus) guides us. Read the Psalms to build trust in the Lord, and study Proverbs to gain wisdom and insight from Solomon, who was the wisest man who ever lived. Then, ask the Lord to enable you to apply the Scriptures to your parenting.

Pray these words:

Heavenly Father, as I read the Bible daily, show me what I need to learn to lead my kids faithfully according to Your ways. Empower me to fully trust You so I can stand firm on Your promises and principles to shepherd my family well. Amen.

From Dr. James Dobson's book, The New Strong-Willed Child

Bonus Content: Listen to the Dr. Dobson Minute, "Strong-Willed vs. Compliant Kids."