Losing Lexi: One Mother's Story of Grace in the Midst of Addiction and LossSample

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” My friend Laura looked at me with awkwardness all over her face and in her voice. We were hanging out one spring afternoon, catching up on life and our kids, who were good friends.

“Julia doesn’t want to betray Lexi, but she’s heard she’s been smoking hookah with some friends in the vacant house in your neighborhood.”

I felt my heart rate rise. How ridiculous! Lexi, my 16-year-old daughter, would never do such a thing. I was sure this friend of mine was being overly dramatic. When I questioned Lexi later that day, she denied everything, and the two of us even got a good laugh out of it. But unbeknownst to me, at that time, Lexi was smoking pot regularly with her friends and even experimenting with harder drugs.

Why did I not see what was right in front of my eyes? How could I not notice until it was too late until her mind was trapped by drugs and reliant on them every day?

I wonder if my blindness could have been caused by my own pride. I felt pretty sure that, as a mother, I was doing everything right. We had family dinners together, made church a priority, and prayed with our kids every night. I felt pretty good about the job we were doing as parents and confident in the fact that our kids would just grow right up to be good Christian young adults. I believed if I did everything right, everything would turn out perfectly.

But I was really missing the boat because everything that I accomplish is a direct work of God’s power. Anything I do as a parent is because God has enabled and enlightened me. I was taking credit for what God was doing – taking the glory that belonged to Him and keeping it for myself.

This undeserved credit led to false confidence, which led to a feeling of invincibility. I felt so sure about my abilities as a parent that my view was clouded, and I didn’t notice when Lexi began struggling. When the red flags were there, I ignored them and pushed them away. Sometimes, as Christians, we can put ourselves on a pedestal and see ourselves as better than others without even meaning to. Unfortunately, pride is a vice that is hard to see in ourselves.

God, it is so easy to let pride creep into my heart. It is so natural for me to take credit for my successes and my accomplishments. But where would I be without YOU? Without you, I would be lost in sin and darkness. Help me not to get overconfident in my own good works. I give you all the credit and all the glory and all the gratitude for every good thing in my life, because you are the One behind it all!