Losing Lexi: One Mother's Story of Grace in the Midst of Addiction and LossSample

Party day! I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. There was so much to do before that evening when forty of our closest friends and family members would show up to celebrate Lexi as she jumped into this next stage of life. After fifteen long, arduous months at a Teen Challenge boarding school, Lexi was a new person. She was leaving the old lifestyle behind; she was ready to jump into college and start afresh.

Or so we thought.

I glanced at my phone to look at the list of tasks that needed to get done, and was stopped in my tracks by the message on my phone. It was one of Lexi’s friends, warning me that she was hanging out with the old “drug crowd” again.

Sure that it was all a big mistake, my husband and I quickly went to confront her. But her body language told us otherwise.

“I might as well just tell you,” she said. “I’m not going to college. I’ve been locked up too long, and I want to go live life! I’m moving in with my friends.”

You could’ve told me we were in a zombie apocalypse, and I wouldn’t have been more shocked. But within the hour, her friends had picked her up, and she was gone.

The conviction to trust in God’s sovereignty was the only thing that got me through the next few days. Because even though my whole world had dropped out from under me, I knew God was in control. God makes it clear in His Word that He rules over every detail of life on this earth.

This does not mean we are robots programmed by a higher being. It means that somehow, mysteriously, He works in our hearts and our lives to orchestrate the playing out of His will.

So why, oh why, would God let such a terrible thing happen to us? How could a good God ordain this?

Reading through the Bible, it’s clear that God does not promise a life of sunshine and rainbows to His followers. He actually chose people to take on extremely difficult tasks, things they didn’t want to do or didn’t think they could do. He gave Noah the job of building an ark and withstanding a worldwide flood. He sent Moses to speak before Pharaoh and then lead His people through the wilderness for forty years. Jonah was commanded to preach to the evil city of Nineveh. Daniel was thrown into a den of hungry lions. The apostle Paul faced persecution at every turn as he spread the gospel, and all but one of Jesus’s disciples ended up being martyred for their faith. And… God’s very own Son died one of the most cruel and painful deaths ever invented by man.

God didn’t just stand by and watch it happen. He didn’t just allow it. He planned it. Acts 2:23 says, “Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men.” Before the beginning of time, God formulated this plan for His Son to suffer and die in order to save his people.

So, at the time, though I didn’t understand how or why Lexi could completely turn on us after all the months of work and growth at Teen Challenge, I had to trust that God knew what He was doing and that, even though my heart was ripped to shreds, He was in control. His Word clearly states that all things work together for our good and His glory. Not some things. All.

Charles Spurgeon says it beautifully: “When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head.”

God, how glad I am that You are not a careless being who is disconnected from His creation or a powerless being who sits up in heaven watching things spin out of control. No, You are a loving, caring, powerful, sovereign God, and we can trust in Your perfect plan. Thank You, God, that everything that happens to us comes from Your loving hand. Help us to trust Your purpose for us, even when we don’t understand.