Healing Family Relationships Through BoundariesSample

To better understand what boundaries are and how they work, let's consider a story from Scripture about Joseph and his brothers.

When the ten brothers first appeared before Joseph, asking for food, Joseph recognized them. Why did he not reveal his identity to them at that time? Why not commence with the family reunion? Joseph seems to have set for himself a clear, personal boundary. He had been violently abused by his brothers and sold into slavery. Before he would open his heart to them, he needed to see two things. First, Joseph wanted to see if the brothers had taken responsibility for what they had done to him. Would there be any sense of godly sorrow and repentance? Second, he needed to see that they had changed their ways. Were they still abusers? Were they still selfish and violent? He would not offer his trust to them if the brothers were unchanged.

In Genesis 42:21, Joseph overhears the brothers admitting what they did to him, acknowledging their guilt, and even expressing their awareness that they deserve justice. When he hears this, Joseph weeps. But words were not enough for Joseph. He still would not reveal himself to them.

Later on, out of love for his little brother and love for his father, Judah offers his own life for Benjamin. Years ago, it was Judah who had suggested that Joseph be sold into slavery (Genesis 37:26), and now he is willing to become a slave to save Benjamin.

It was only after Joseph heard the brothers express their guilt and sorrow, and saw them demonstrate a change in their behavior, that he lowered his boundary and revealed his identity to them. We then see a true healing and reconciliation in their relationships and family. Yet this reconciliation would not have been possible (or healthy) without Joseph's boundaries.

Reflection Question: Where in your family relationships might you need to establish wise boundaries like Joseph did, waiting for evidence of genuine change before extending full trust?