Communication Tips From the WiseSample

“He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame.” (Prov. 18:13 NIV)

In times of conflict, we tend to listen to respond instead of listening to understand. In defence mode, we hardly take time to reflect on what we are hearing and understand things from our spouses’ perspective. Responding without understanding what is actually being said cannot only be embarrassing when you are corrected, but it also creates a huge barrier when resolving conflict. Hence, James advises that we be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).

Here are a few things you can do to ensure you become a better listener:

• Listen with your whole body, not just your ears. Maintain eye contact, nod or lean forward. Stay put, don’t fidget with your hands or pace up and down.
• Listen for feelings, not just words. Pay attention to body language. Look out for things like sunken shoulders, a shaky voice, clenched teeth, sweaty palms, etc.
• Avoid completing their sentences, correcting facts, listening selectively, and prematurely expressing your views.
• Ask reflective questions. Summarise your understanding of what is being said and ask your spouse to verify.

Other proverbs to reflect on: Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 15:18, Proverbs 29:20