Freedom Through Forgivenessنموونە

When Do I Forgive? – Now

If there is something that you are holding on to that is killing you, why not let it go as soon as you can? If you are drowning in the ocean because something that you are holding on to is making you sink, you will eventually let it go. Your body will override your brain out of self-preservation and force you to let it go. In either case, to live, you need to let go of the weight that is weighing you down. The faster you do that, the quicker you can breathe and live again.

When it comes to forgiveness, for some reason, people often wait for something to happen before they let go of the pain that’s killing them. Some are waiting for an apology, some are waiting for feelings, and some are even waiting for God to intervene.

When it comes to forgiveness, it's best to forgive ASAP. You should treat it like a cancer because the longer you hold on to it, the stronger the roots get. They also multiply!

You don’t have to wait until the pain is gone.

You don’t have to wait until that person changes.

You don’t have to wait for God to move. He has already done everything he needs to do regarding your decision to forgive. It is now up to you.

"If you have a willing heart to let me help you, and if you will obey me, you will feast on the blessings of an abundant harvest." - Isaiah 1:19 TPT

Having a willing heart is all about your decision to have one. God isn’t asking you to be perfect and act as if what they did never happened. He is saying to let go of the offense and allow Him to help you overcome everything that has occurred as a result.

As soon as you have the mental and emotional clarity to decide to forgive, do it.

Your feelings should not determine whether you forgive someone or not. However, your feelings remain. The negative emotions of hurt, betrayal, sadness, and whatever else that you can think of are still there. What do you do with these feelings? Give your feelings time to catch up with your decision.

Ice doesn’t evaporate the very second it’s exposed to heat. It starts to melt after continuous exposure to heat. Then eventually it evaporates. Your feelings are similar to this.

Your feelings won’t change just because you decided to forgive. Actually, the earlier you forgive, the stronger your feelings will be about whatever happened. Those raw feelings may be strong and right in your face, but just because they are there doesn’t mean that your decision to forgive is not real.

Do not allow your feelings to decide what you have done, and do not allow them to invalidate the decisions that you made. We live in a world that says, "Do what you feel." This mentality is dangerous because it sets us up to be led by our feelings.

Decide to forgive and give your feelings time to catch up. Feelings always follow decisions.

Trauma and Pain

The peace that is taken from you when you go through a traumatic event is not easily restored. In my case, divorce was the traumatic event that stole my peace. I remember days when I didn’t trust anyone! I barely trusted God. At that time, I had more faith in my counselor than I did in anyone else.

I have heard from victims of different types of abuse who didn’t know how to feel, what to do, and who were confused about where they were emotionally. They were utterly lost and, for a while, didn’t know which way to turn.

Some were lost about how they "should" feel. When the emotions of anger, sadness, guilt, or bitterness hit you randomly, it isn’t easy to decipher all of them. Even though we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be led by them, they will come.

Many people will say, "You can talk to God," but on behalf of someone who has been through very traumatic events, I will say, "I want someone in the physical realm to talk to." During a traumatic event, you may doubt someone you can’t see. God’s presence may not feel as real as someone physically in a room with you.

Really, we are looking for something to make us feel good as quickly as possible, and having someone in the room with us provides this comfort. Some people will turn to drugs, sex, or alcohol because they don’t have someone to talk to. Having someone there is better than any of those options.

When you forgive, you will still need to go through the process of healing. This process will be handled in a future book.