Unlocking Love

How to Love Ourselves, Love Others, and Love God

The work of the Menninger Clinic is organized around love. “From the top psychiatrist down to the electricians and caregivers, all contacts with patients must manifest love.” And it was “love unlimited.” The result was that the hospitalization time was cut in half.

There was a woman who for three years sat in her rocking chair and never said a word to anyone. The doctor called a nurse and said, “Mary, I’m giving you Mrs. Brown as your patient. All I’m asking you to do is to love her till she gets well.”

The nurse tried it. She got a rocking chair of the same kind as Mrs. Brown’s, sat alongside her, and loved her morning, noon, and night. The third day the patient spoke, and in a week, she was out of her shell—and well.

What Is Love?

“Love is more than a noun—it is a verb; it is more than a feeling—it is caring, sharing, helping, sacrificing.” —William Arthur Ward

Philosophers and intellectuals have been trying to define “love” for centuries. When you open a dictionary, you get a simplistic definition that says, “an intense feeling of deep affection; a great interest and pleasure in something.” Pretty inadequate definition, isn’t it?

In fact, I believe all the definitions over the centuries fall short of describing what “love” truly is—except for one: the Bible.

As a pastor, I’ve done many weddings over the years. And I always like it when the “love” chapter in the Bible is read and shared in the ceremony. If you have never read it, take a moment, and read it here:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV)

It’s an incredible definition of love. Too often, we relegate love to a romantic definition or classify love, like the dictionary does, as a “good feeling.” But love is far more than a feeling or a romantic relationship.

Love is a bond that is found in all kinds of relationships, and it is also a way of living. You see, love is more than a noun. Love is a verb as well. And when love is your main motivation, your actions show it.

The above Scripture about love is not only a great definition, but it is also a great meter to check how well you love. Muster up some courage and give yourself a test. Reread the Scripture passage above.

But this time, where the word “love” is written, replace it with your name instead. For example, in the first sentence, when I replace “love” with my name, it reads:

“Greg Atkinson is patient and kind; Greg does not envy or boast; he is not arrogant or rude.”

Now it’s your turn. Go ahead and put your name and pronoun in place of “love” and “it” in the love passage above.

So, how did you do? Do you feel like you didn’t score very high on the love meter? Don’t worry, you are not the only one. This little exercise really does open our eyes to what love is and how we don’t measure up as much as we want to.

However, don’t despair. We can learn to love like this. No, we will never be perfect, but we sure can come closer to really living a lifestyle of love.

If any one of our keys can effectively open wide the fences that divide and bind us, it’s the key to unlocking our love. It dispels hate and apathy, immobilizes self-critique, and releases us from all that binds our spirit. If you want to access your true potential for kindness, you must unlock your ability to love and love well.

Maybe you are wondering how in the world we can love like this. The key is found in knowing the author of love.

The Great Commandment of Love

“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.” —C.S. Lewis, Letters of C. S. Lewis

Understanding that God’s very nature is love will transform your life. F. B. Meyer once said, “The love of God toward you is like the Amazon River flowing down to water a single daisy.”

That’s how great God’s love is toward you and me. And Jesus is the greatest example of God’s love in action. The Bible says, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.” - 1 John 4:9

George Mueller was an incredible man of faith. He and his wife ran an orphanage and depended upon God for every meal and every need that they had in life. They continually took in children who were left on the streets to die.

Their great love for the children in their care flowed from their great love for God. One of my favorite quotes from Mueller is simple but profound. He said, “It matters to Him about you.”

You matter to God. I think those are the four most beautiful words I’ve ever heard. And when you come to the full understanding that the very author of life loves you with such a deep love—a sacrificial and unconditional love—you just can’t help loving Him back.

We Can Fulfill the Greatest Commandment

When we know God’s love, our focus should be on loving Him back. One of the most well-known Scriptures in both Judaism and Christianity is called The Great Commandment. It is recorded for the first time in the Old Testament, and then repeated by Jesus during His earthly ministry.

We need to love God first, above everything and anyone else. It is God’s love flowing through us that motivates our love for Him. That’s why the great commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart (your thoughts, feelings, inclinations, and understanding), with all your soul (your very breath, spirit, self ), and with all your mind (mental power, might, strength).

While on staff at Transformation Church in Charlotte, Dr. Derwin Gray, the Senior Pastor, taught the Great Commandment a bit differently than what I’d heard throughout my Christian life. I had always heard we were to love God and love people—a two-prongapproach.

But Dr. Derwin Gray taught a three-prong approach regarding love. The first and most important prong of the Great Commandment is upward—we love God first. The second prong is inward – because God loves us and we love God, we can then love ourselves. And the third prong is outward—we love others. So, upward, inward, and outward.

This teaching of the Great Commandment opened my eyes. I’d never heard the part about if I don’t love myself, I can’t properly love others. All I ever heard was love God and love people. We can totally miss the love ourselves part. Yet, when you look at the Scripture passage in Matthew 22, it is clear that we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Until you really love yourself, you’re not going to be able to love others in a healthy way. This truth has radically changed my life, and I pray it will yours. Reflect on loving God, loving yourself, and loving others today.