Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 2 - IntimacySample

Physical Intimacy

Let’s define physical intimacy as everything in your physical relationship except sex. Hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, hands everywhere but private parts, and whatever else you want to add that fits the definition. It is nonsexual touch.

I think the problem with this is that often, women seem to enjoy it more than men. It’s not that we men do not enjoy it, but generally we would rather just bypass all of that and get to the sex. Right! Yet God gave us nonsexual touch for a reason.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Just like the nonsexual touch described in this passage, physical closeness with your spouse keeps your marriage warm! So let’s look at non-sexual touch.

I believe a marriage must have physical intimacy to survive. God created us with touch receptors all over our bodies because we need physical intimacy. Have you ever come home after a difficult day and received a big hug from your spouse? Do you remember how your mood changed? You had renewed energy after you thought your energy was gone for the day. That is exactly how God designed our bodies to work.

There are also other consequences to a marriage without physical intimacy. You can grow apart and feel distant from each other. You may argue more. The fun may slip out of your marriage.

I see it all the time as a counselor. So, even if you don’t “need” the nonsexual touch, your spouse does, and your marriage does.

Don’t ignore this important way to connect. Start building new habits of touching your spouse with no sexual intent. Paul gives us the perfect picture of the results of this in I Corinthians 13, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." What would it look like to live out these qualities of love as you draw closer to your spouse through touch?

Things To Think About

• How do you define physical intimacy in your marriage?
• What kinds of nonsexual touch help you feel connected in your marriage?
• What can each of you do to grow this area of your marriage?
• What are the benefits for the two of you in keeping physical intimacy a priority in your marriage?