Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 2 - IntimacySample

Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy can certainly lead to sex but it can stand on its own as something that a couple enjoys and that draws them closer together. The marriage relationship is as close as two people can be. Over the course of a marriage, intimacy is designed to grow. A couple’s care for each other grows as they grow increasingly closer to each other.

How comfortable are you and your spouse with each other? Are there any walls between the two of you? Is your spouse the first person you go to when you have something to share? Does your spouse know you want to hear what they have to say?

Genesis 2:25 tells us that after Adam and Eve were created, they were “naked and unashamed” together. I believe that in marriage we should be able to experience that with each other—both literally and figuratively! Being “naked and unashamed” takes real vulnerability. What’s the key to vulnerability? Safety. In order for your spouse to feel comfortable sharing anything with you and to truly feel open to vulnerability, you need to be a safe place for them.

Make sure your spouse knows you love and accept them completely, just as they are. Ephesians 4:32 speaks to this, telling us to “be kind and compassionate with one another.” In the everyday of marriage, we can get so comfortable that we grow complacent and forget the simple kindness and compassion God calls us to show our spouse. But those things are how we show acceptance and build intimacy. The verse goes on to say, “Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” A marriage cannot survive without forgiveness. Today ask God to reveal to you any ways you can better give kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in your marriage. The emotional intimacy in your marriage will benefit greatly.

In the early years of our marriage, one thing that kept Nancy and I from emotional intimacy was that we were trying to change each other. Once we were able to set that aside and really accept the other, sharing with each other led to greater intimacy.

That was a huge turning point for us that created the safe place both of us wanted in our marriage. We stopped trying to change each other and left that in God’s hands. He has done a much better job than we did! Embracing each other “naked and unashamed” took our emotional intimacy way up the scale.

Be intentional to look for ways to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Encouragement and acceptance, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness: these will bring the emotional intimacy you want in your marriage.

Things To Think About

• How do you rate the emotional intimacy in your marriage today?
• What does “naked and unashamed” mean to you in your marriage?
• On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being incredibly safe, how much of a safe space do you feel your spouse is?
• What do you need from your spouse in order to feel safe sharing anything with them?
• Ask God to reveal any ways you can better show kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in your marriage.