Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 2 - IntimacySample

Intellectual Intimacy

The first time I heard the words “intellectual intimacy,” I thought, "I'll pass on that,” since I do not see myself as an “intellectual.” So when I realized just what intellectual intimacy was all about, I gave myself a break.

Intellectual intimacy has nothing to do with intelligence and a lot to do with being diligent to understand how your spouse’s mind works. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?“ Since you have agreed to walk together all the rest of your days, see your commitment through by seeking to understand and encourage your spouse.

This kind of intimacy comes from sharing ideas, thoughts, hopes, passions, and fears with each other. It comes from having conversations that go below the surface. It is feeling free to share thoughts and ideas even when you know your spouse may look at things differently.

God uses marriage to grow and sanctify us. I do not think you can learn everything there is to know about your spouse in a lifetime. I think that most of us just get lazy and stop studying.

It takes effort to study your spouse, but there is a big payoff for all the effort. Life continues to be fun and interesting and challenging and awesome.

Hebrews 10:24 says, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” The Christian life involves thinking and living proactively. God invites us into a life of intentionality as we love, serve, and press on toward all He has for us in our marriage and with Him.

Today, take time to think about how you can encourage your spouse toward love and good deeds. Then be intentional to follow through.

I believe that one of God’s plans for marriage is embodied in this verse from Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” God has used Nancy in my life in so many ways. There is no way I would be who I am today without her. She encourages me, listens to me, tells me when I am wrong in a loving way, and challenges me. All that is part of our intellectual intimacy.

Things To Think About

• Now that you have a definition of intellectual intimacy, how would you rate yours in your marriage on a 1 to 10 scale with 10 being awesome?
• What is a first step in strengthening or growing the intellectual intimacy in your marriage?
• If you set aside an hour for just the two of you, how would you use that time to connect intellectually?
• How does your spouse “sharpen” you? How do you sharpen each other?