Love Is a Choice

“Who is that?”

Those were the first words I uttered when I saw a picture of my wife. Her smile captivated me—and it still does to this day. At that point in life, the sting of divorce was still fresh, and the idea of opening up to someone new was scary. I found myself at a point of decision: take the risk of experiencing further pain by putting myself out there, or stay in the safety of isolation where at least I felt in control.

That initial choice to take a risk led to God revealing what He truly had in mind when He created the covenant of marriage. Our journey has had its share of peaks and valleys, yet the commitment to choose each other daily has never wavered. Every day God blesses us with is another opportunity to honor the vow we made—not just to each other, but to Him.

When I think about our relationship today compared to when we were dating, so much has changed. (Besides my pants being a little tighter these days...) We’ve both grown in our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. I’ve had the privilege of walking with her through different seasons and trials—each one shaping us in unique and lasting ways.

From changes in careers, to moving, to having babies—and even walking through the heartbreaking loss of a child—nothing could have prepared me for the adventure that began after saying “I do.” Maybe that’s why 1 Corinthians 13 hits so hard. It gives us a glimpse into what love looks like in action—but those words are just that: words, unless we live them out.

And that’s where the challenge lies. The application. Knowing what love is, is one thing. Choosing to live it out, especially when it’s hard, inconvenient, or costly—that’s where the refining happens.

Love, to me, could be described as the aligned action of developing a meaningful family life. I find my wife beautiful in many activities but no less beautiful, and sometimes more, when she is working on the farm and helping our family grow in meaningful aspects. Those behaviors are where we continue to be renewed and aligned.

Hollywood and social media have distorted so much of what God intended for love and marriage that we can often find ourselves comparing our journey to a standard that’s false. Maybe this reframe will help you, too: The filtered version of love is transactional and short-term.

But choosing your spouse daily—flaws, mess, beauty, and all that is long-term and that is an avenue for personal and relationship growth. It works best when we keep Jesus at the center.

Because love isn’t a feeling—it’s a choice.

And when we choose to love the way Christ modeled it, day in and day out, we build something stronger than any emotion could sustain.

Questions to Consider:

1. Where are you choosing comfort over commitment in your marriage?
2. What distracts you from pursuing your spouse daily?