Selflessness in Marriage

“You complete me.”

If you’re a movie buff, you’ll recognize that famous line from the 90s classic Jerry Maguire. While it makes for a powerful moment on screen, I’ve found it couldn’t be further from the truth.

As much as I love my wife, she doesn’t complete me. And thankfully, I don’t complete her either.

Because that kind of thinking puts an unfair burden on your spouse—one that no human can carry. Completion only comes from Christ. And what marriage really needs isn’t completion—it’s selflessness.

I think back to when my wife and I were just getting to know each other. That season led me to one of the greatest personal sacrifices of my life: buying opera tickets.

For a guy who grew up in the South, the closest I had come to the opera was Bugs Bunny in a Viking helmet. Still a classic—but not quite the same.

I felt like a bull in a china shop and asked more questions than she expected. (Side note: apparently yelling “Play Freebird!” is frowned upon in that setting...who knew?)

But at that moment, I wasn’t trying to impress her. I was trying to get to know her. That night wasn’t about me—it was about learning what she loved, what moved her, and what mattered to her.

That was selflessness in action.

And since then, she’s done the same for me—asking about motorcycles, showing up to races, and pretending to be as interested in horsepower as I am.

What we’ve discovered is this: Our marriage grows strongest when we stop looking inward and start leaning outward. When we let go of “what’s in it for me” and focus on “what does my spouse need?”

That’s what Paul is challenging us with in Ephesians 5:25. Christ didn’t just love with words.
He gave Himself up—fully, sacrificially, intentionally. That’s a model and a mission worth pursuing.

My sense is that when we look at the world this way, as a place to ask “where can I serve”, not “what can I get from it”, we are much more aligned with God’s intention and as a result, our marriages become much more aligned. That reframe of seeking to pursue what can I do to make this marriage more fulfilling to my partner has the ability to produce incredible fruit.

And while it’s not always easy, it is always worth it.

Questions to Consider:

1. Where am I placing unrealistic expectations on my spouse?
2. What does selflessness look like in your marriage today?