Rebuilding Trust

I’m not a naturally trusting person.

That’s been a hurdle in our marriage.

After being hurt a few times—by people I once trusted—and because of that, I found it easier to build walls than risk being hurt again. The wild part? Most of those walls weren’t built because of anything my wife did. They were scars from other people, from other seasons… yet she’s the one who’s had to scale them.

Sometimes, she gets the most guarded, distant version of me—not because she’s untrustworthy, but because I’ve let past pain shape my present posture.

And yet—she stays.

Time and time again, she’s shown me that she’s not going anywhere. Her quiet strength and unwavering commitment to our marriage have softened some of the walls I didn’t even realize I’d built.

What I’m learning is this: Trust is a two-way street. It doesn’t grow by staying safe. It grows when we choose to open up, little by little—especially when it feels risky.

As men, we’re often raised to keep our guard up:

• “Don’t show weakness.”
• “Keep your cards close.”
• “Trust no one.”

And then we get married, and we’re suddenly expected to give someone full access to the most vulnerable parts of our soul?

That transition is no joke. But here's the truth: Those worldly mindsets don’t build a godly marriage. They build isolation, distance, and suspicion.

In Genesis 33, we see an incredible moment between two brothers—Jacob and Esau—who had every reason to stay divided. Jacob had betrayed Esau deeply. Years had passed. The wounds were real.

But when they finally met again, Esau ran to Jacob. He embraced him. “And they wept.”

That’s what reconciliation looks like. Not easy. Not instant. But possible.

In marriage, trust will inevitably be tested—sometimes even broken. But the question is: what will we do when it is?

Rebuilding trust doesn’t happen through words alone. It takes humility to admit where we’ve failed. Action to show we’re changing. And time to let healing do its work.

Whether you’re rebuilding trust that’s been lost, or tearing down old walls that shouldn’t have been there in the first place—Know this: God is in the business of restoration.

He restored Jacob and Esau. He can restore trust in your marriage too.

Questions to Consider:

1. What past hurt is affecting your trust in marriage?
2. How do you respond when trust is broken?