Losing Lexi: One Mother's Story of Grace in the Midst of Addiction and LossSample

In the twilight of a cool spring evening, my husband and I sat on our back patio and bared our souls to our pastor. We let it all out—every horrible and ugly detail. Was it hard? Yes. Was it humiliating? Double yes. But it was also a huge relief that someone we trusted was willing to listen and try to help us.

Our struggles with Lexi were getting worse every day. Only a junior in high school, she was continually using drugs, even in her own bedroom by herself. When we tried to discipline her, she would run away and disappear for days at a time. There were suicide threats, broken windows, and stolen money. We had seen counselors and psychiatrists. Nothing seemed to help. On top of everything else, she was a Type 1 diabetic, and her health was failing. We were desperate.

We sat back and looked at our pastor intently, waiting for him to give us the magic advice that would somehow cure our daughter and restore peace to our home.

His message was not what we expected to hear.

“What if the answer is not for God to fix everything? What if God is trying to work on you through this situation?”

Work on us? Why would God work on us? We were not the ones who needed help here. Our daughter was the one with the problems!

He went on to calmly explain that there are often no quick fixes for the difficulties in our lives. However, God always has a purpose in our painful trials—He wants to teach us things in the midst of them.

“What do you think God could be trying to teach you?” he asked.

My husband and I were speechless as we contemplated what he was saying. All I could see was the need to fix Lexi. But what about myself? Could I see these hard circumstances as an opportunity to grow in character? And more importantly, could I see them as a chance to grow closer to God?

As I continued to ponder it, I realized how much this was the case. My life felt so out of control that I had no choice but to rely on God. And there were many opportunities to work on patience, self-control, perseverance—all the hard things.

As Christians, we are constantly in the process of sanctification, the sharpening and molding of our character in order to become more holy. As God instructs in His Word: “Be holy, for I am holy” (Leviticus 11:44). The definition of holiness is to be set apart for a special purpose. Could there be a purpose for me in all of this?

Our pastor had just turned our perspective upside down. Of course, my husband and I still wanted to help our daughter, but we began thinking about what God wanted us to learn through all of this as well. After all, until the day I am finally glorified, God is always working on my heart.

Lord, continue to work on me, to make me holy, and to help me be more like You. Let me see hard circumstances as a way to grow in grace. Give me an open heart to what you would have me learn.