Losing Lexi: One Mother's Story of Grace in the Midst of Addiction and LossSample

As I drove through the early morning twilight, my stomach felt queasy, and my nerves were all jumbled. Why did I agree to do this?

I was heading to a teen drug summit, an event designed to help at-risk teens, where I would have a chance to share Lexi’s story and warn young people of the dangers of addiction. I knew what I would say: if you find yourself struggling, don’t turn to drugs! Find a way to cope: a hobby, a sport, a pet, anything! Some people’s brains are easily hijacked by drugs, and you don’t know, it could be you! Would I have the strength and courage to share my heart with this group of strangers in this unfamiliar setting?

I decided to fill up with gas and grab a cold drink before I left town. Standing beside me at the register as I waited to pay for my Vitamin Water was a local pastor whom I often saw around town and always recognized by his clerical collar and friendly smile.

“How are you this morning?” he asked in his usual cheery manner.

A loaded question. “Oh, I’m doing okay,” I answered.

“Opportunities galore!” he responded, and as he walked away, the truth of those words hit me square on. Every day was filled with so many opportunities. What would I do with them?

Those two words were the reminder I needed to seize the opportunity I had been given. I stood before the students that morning, knowing that God had opened this door for a reason. Of course, it was not an easy thing to do, and it brought up hard emotions, but what better way to honor my daughter than to use her life to help other people?

Though it may be hard to see at times, God has a purpose for our pain. Romans 8:28 promises that “all things work together for good for those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose.” If we love God, we have been called for a special purpose. Could it be that trials actually open a door for God to use us in a special way?

In 2 Corinthians, Paul thanks God for the comfort He has been given, saying that God comforts us “so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” The truth is when we have gone through something difficult, it gives us a connection with others who have gone through the same thing and the ability to truly empathize with what they are going through.

When the trial involves the loss of someone we love, we can use our great love for that person to drive us. It has been said that grief is love with nowhere to go. We can channel that love into a specific purpose and honor our loved one through that purpose.

This doesn’t have to be in huge, earth-shattering ways. Maybe it’s even just in the way we live our lives. Maybe it’s in the way we see needs around us. When we open ourselves up to God and ask Him how He might use our pain, He will show us. And in doing so, we move our hearts towards healing.

Often, I wonder what Lexi would think or say if she was still alive. I just know she would be saying, You go, Mom! Don’t worry, I’m here waiting for you. But in the meantime, I’m proud of you! She empowers me every day. I love and miss her immensely. I channel that love into whatever I can do to keep her alive in my soul.

Lord, show me what you have for me in this.

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This scripture reading plan was adapted from the book Losing Lexi: One Mother’s Story of God’s Grace in the Midst of Addiction and Loss by Kris Darrah. To learn more about this story or to order a copy of the book, visit this link.