Restoring Your Soul - Living a Limitless LifeSample

The Greatest Determinant of Our Mental Health

It has been said the choice to forgive is the most significant determinant of mental health. I completely agree. I have witnessed the power of forgiveness and the emotional toll that comes with withholding it.

Forgiveness is only complete if it can be experienced at an emotional level. It’s impossible to fully release yourself from the bondage of unforgiveness unless you connect to the hurt, emotional pain, betrayal, and woundedness the offense created.

Intellectual forgiveness keeps you from truly embracing the pain of the offense. You can’t let go of something you haven’t fully embraced. It is as simple as this: you can’t lay a pen down until you’ve picked it up, and yet, somehow, the belief is that you should be able to let go of a hurtful experience mentally without “picking up” the intensity of it

Emotional forgiveness is possible if you embrace the discomfort and then choose to forgive. It’s the choice that removes the torment. Regardless of the level of the offense, clinging to resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred imprisons you, “the victim”, more than the offender.

For forgiveness to be genuinely life-changing and lasting, it must originate from a deeply emotional place within us, not just on an intellectual level. So, the question is, how do we forgive from an emotional place?

The following process is cathartic and invaluable when releasing our past:

Carve out an hour or two when you can be alone. Sit in a comfortable area of your home with a clipboard or pad of paper. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your mind all of the people you harbor resentment or anger toward. Make a list of names, then, one by one, make a bullet-point list of everything you need to forgive each individual for.

Once this task is complete, go through the entire list one line at a time and speak out loud, “I choose to forgive this person (or myself) for…” Take your time verbalizing specific details of the offense for each person on your list. Take a moment to focus and consider what you are saying. Be intentional about allowing feelings to surface and for your head to connect to your heart so you can touch the pain from an emotional place.

After completing this part of the exercise, make a declaration of release. For each person on your list, speak aloud, “God, I choose to put this person into your hands, and I completely release them from all of my judgment.” Envision yourself doing so as you verbalize letting go. And then one final sentence, “and I speak a Blessing over them and their future generations”.

Often, people will feel a slight shift and a sense of freedom within themselves. Even if it doesn’t happen instantaneously, trusting your choice to let go willingly will eventually bring you freedom. You will notice a shift in how you think and feel within a few days if you truly connect to the offense and release it from your heart, not just your mind. Although this process can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining because forgiveness is a choice, any willing human can forgive, regardless of the level of betrayal.

Forgiveness is not for the other person; it’s for you. You are choosing to let go of the need to hold them accountable for their actions, entrusting that job to God so that you can move forward without the burden. And because you are letting go, inner peace is achievable.

I hear lots of “reasons” why people don’t want to forgive. Some excuses that they use are, “The offense is too big,” “I can’t let them off the hook,” and “They aren’t sorry, and they will probably hurt me again.”

It is crucial to recognize that the people who perpetuated the offenses against you were wounded. Whether you were receiving harmful messages or actions that betrayed you, your offenders couldn’t speak truth or interact in healthy ways because of their own unresolved brokenness.

I understand the difficulty of “choosing” to forgive. It is truly a potential crisis and a breaking of our will. Unforgiveness keeps us chained to the past. Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean what happened was right; it means we’re releasing the burden into God’s hands. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Releasing others from judgment frees our hearts, even if reconciliation is not possible.

Forgiveness is the greatest gift we have been given. Forgiving others could be the greatest gift you ever give yourself. Just try it. What do you have to lose?

I Invite you to Ask Yourself:

1. Who comes to mind when you think about unresolved bitterness or hurt?
2. What feelings arise when you consider forgiving that person?
3. How might forgiving them bring freedom to your own heart?

I Invite You to Pray:

Lord, please make me willing to forgive and give me the strength to forgive as You have forgiven me. I know that You want to release me from bitterness so that I can walk in freedom. I’m choosing to submit to Your perfect plan of forgiveness, knowing that it will be a massive key in restoring my soul to its original design. I want to choose You and Your higher ways, God. Please help me let go of the people who have hurt and betrayed me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.