Restoring Your Soul - Living a Limitless LifeSample

Healthy Boundaries

Even though you may not want to be constrained by anything or made to feel like you’re being held back or restricted, living without limits isn’t realistic for physical or mental health, privacy, or safety. There are numerous natural laws and man-made boundaries (fences, walls, etc.) that are examples of how limits keep us protected.

Limits are a necessary part of everyday life. Even the essence of human life exists because our cells are encased within a cell membrane, a natural protective barrier that limits their exposure. Life doesn’t exist without limits. They can be challenged, whether it’s the physical limitations of the human body or bylaws, such as speed limits. However, as with pushing any limit beyond what is wise, the potential aftermath could be consequential to health or safety.

The ability to say yes or no to yourself or another individual began very early in life. It was learned as you watched the limit-setting capability of the adults in your world. How they cared for themselves physically, whether they over-indulged in eating, drinking, or drugs, and how they responded to the requests from those around them conveyed strong messages about self-care.

Did they say yes rather than no when asked to be on a school, community, or church committee, even though it overtaxed them physically or emotionally? Did they say no to an invitation to an evening out with friends because they knew they had work and other obligations the following day?

Your ability to set healthy limits was also influenced by whether or not you were encouraged to have your own voice to say no as a child. Were you forced to eat everything on your plate or allowed to say, “No, thank you,” if you had tasted something you didn’t like?

Sometimes children are manipulated or guilt-tripped into giving grandparents or aunts and uncles a hug at the age of two or three, even though they initially refused. Adults often respond with a statement that they are sad a child won’t hug them. The message the child draws from this encounter could be, “I need to do what is expected of me,” “I need to please other people and not myself,” or “I can’t say no.” Children need the freedom to say no without false guilt. Otherwise, they will not develop into confident young adults who have learned to express their needs to maintain their physical and emotional safety. In addition to the messages received, it’s essential to distinguish whose needs are being met when an adult influences a child. Is it the child or the adult?

Another critical aspect of limit setting we must address is the ability to “hear” and respect a specific limit or “no.” Consider a situation where you want to meet a friend for coffee. They say their schedule doesn’t allow the time today, but possibly tomorrow. Instead of hearing their no, you push and say that you really need to see them, even if it’s only for half an hour. When your friend sticks to their initial decision, you acquiesce but feel a sense of resentment that they didn't change their mind. In this situation, you are functioning as a victim.

Boundaries protect our emotional and spiritual well-being. Setting and respecting limits allows us to love others without losing ourselves.

I Invite You to Ask Yourself:

1. In what areas of my life do I need to express more precise boundaries?
2. How has a lack of boundaries affected my peace or relationships?
3. What keeps me from establishing and maintaining healthy limits?

I Invite You to Pray:

Lord, help me to protect my heart and establish healthy boundaries that honor You. Give me the courage to communicate necessary limits with love and clarity. I need Your Wisdom to guide me into the Truth about what is assertive and not aggressive when sharing my heart and my needs. Give me the ability to discern the difference and be sensitive to deliver the right messages to those I love. And God, help me to respect the boundaries of others without becoming offended by them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.